Theft is a huge piece of the puzzle that is addiction. The vast majority of addicts, especially opiate addicts, have stolen something from someone or somewhere at some point in their active addiction. Whether it’s a few dollars from a parent or spouse’s wallet, a pawned piece of jewelry, or an old laptop, most of us are guilty of stealing at one point or another. When we think about theft in addiction, we typically think about the taking of a physical object that does not belong to us. However, that isn’t the only kind of stealing that we do in our addictions.
I recently had an experience with an addict who felt that she was better than the rest of us because as she put it, “I don’t steal”. Apparently she was independently wealthy, or able to maintain employment during her addiction and somehow was able to support her own habit. This is extremely rare, as even the wealthiest of celebrity addicts have used themselves broke in very short order. So this particular addict felt above those of us who have stolen during our addiction.
My father, who generally doesn’t have much to do with the deep and dirty details of my addiction and recovery, is the one who actually put the true nature of theft during addiction into perspective for me some years ago. Even though I never “stole” any money from my dad, unlike the countless dollar taken from my mother’s wallet and endless amounts of her jewelry that I pawned, my dad still felt violated and that he had been stolen from.
He explained that any money he had given me for spending money, bills, or other expenses that I in turn spent on drugs, was money stolen from him. He gave me that money for a specific purpose, and that purpose was NOT to buy drugs. To him, every dollar that I spent on drugs that came from his wallet, even though he had willingly given it to me, was money stolen.
But what about the things that money cannot buy? What about the time that is lost while using? I bet my mom would say that I stole what adds up to years worth of time that we could’ve spent together. She would say that I stole many nights of peaceful sleep from her. I stole her peace of mind. I stole her sanity.
These are all intangible things, things that can’t be measured in dollars and cents, but they are just as real and just as valuable, if not more, than any amount of money that I stole.
Worse still, I stole something more valuable than all of that from not only my mom and dad, but my brother, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my friends, and anyone who knew me. I stole their TRUST. Trust can be easy to gain, and even implied among family members. However, once it is gone, it can be impossible to regain it.
I was banned from the homes of family members for years, because I stole that trust from them. I was not allowed to carry cash by my parents for years, because I stole that trust from them. Everywhere I went, everything I did, every word I said, had to be questioned. Even months into sobriety, I couldn’t be trusted to do something as simple as drive to pick up the Chinese food from around the corner. The theft of that trust is the most valuable thing I ever stole, and I took it from more people than I can count.
We steal so much in our addictions that can’t be measured.
Time, friendship, relationships, and trust are just a few of the non-monetary things we steal during our addictions. Money, electronics, cars, jewelry, all of those physical things can be replaced, and in some cases quite easily. The real theft is the emotional toll we put on those around us. There isn’t a single one of us who lived through an addiction that didn’t steal some sanity from the people who love and care about us.
So to any addict out there who feels “better than” because they’ve never been in a pawn shop or lifted a few bills from someone else’s wallet, just remember that the things you stole are just as real, and just as valuable. And until you understand and own that, you’ll never be able to repair the damage and you’ll never truly live life in recovery.
©Copyright 2017 In Angel’s Arms and Lauren Goodkin